I think when I was around 20 or so girls on this one day college thing awakened andrea.
I looked geeky and the girls used to enjoy embarrassing me, “What’s a condom?” they would giggle.
One girl Vanessa, she would rub my leg under the table with her sexy hosed foot, to embarrass me, arouse me. Not because of lust.
If I was Vanessa, with my bowl blond hair and speccy glasses, I wouldn’t fancy me either.
I am -8 -7 today in lenses and look much better than then. I also would not get embarrassed by “What’s a condom?” and probably be more assertive. I cannot replace my previous self though.
I kicked her hard under the table as in those days, sexual harrassment was okay. Probably still is, if it is a girl doing it!
I did like her. I just didn’t like feeling aroused in class. There is a time and a place for feeling sexy.
She stopped after that, but I did fantasise about her. That led to somehow being her and awoke andrea up (so named after inspiration of Andrea in the Corrs lol - it felt like that is her name, and I wanted to hide that side, so a name helps).
She has bugged me ever since and hindered relationships through guilt, trying to understand her, financial and mental insecurities which seems to be true today after-all. I am now 45!
I started borrowing mums hose and panties. Initially it turned me on, now I more like the escape and feelings of lingerie.
I find life hard sometimes as a man.
One day, I got a rash from the hose and mum wanted to take me to the doctor. I confessed and etc, etc. It had awkwardness and dad knew too.
andreas never sod off once unlocked, so I decided if I had to explore her, then I would do things and file them. I’ve filed lipstick - not a great experience!
I learnt to buy my own lingerie and I still hate admitting I like it, going shopping but when I do I do. I am discreet, I hide andrea from most friends and definitely family.
Although my sister has seen and brother briefly, they have forgotten. In their subconscious somewhere maybe...
andrea still wants more and more. I like the escape she brings me! I use a small a as more submissive initially with women, but she does have a domme streak too. She can be a bit mean too maybe?
I try not to purge now because sooner or later I end back there. I try not to buy hipnoz files or chat with those that cost money and make her stronger! I cannot afford addictions or purging. I worry when I die what people would think of my panty drawer, dildo. Bought 3, 2 purged.
We now have rules and that helps a lot. I don’t pretend she isn’t there any more, ‘cos she bloody well is! She got very narky when I tried blanking her out that time. I tried not hearing her!
I am still not fulfilled. It’s fun for all you hipnoz to make us some kind of STD attracting slut, but it’s also lonely and frustrating. Fun for you, confusing for me. I want hipnoz that understood me and as the Internet grew, all I find is women that want me to love cock. It’s amazing. I find that quite interesting? Is it need or just what seems funny or something?
I see some of this in Petey too (get a better name!!!). A genuine girl is seen as a girl with all her likes. A man is not allowed to like and is seen as a man.
I hope God brings you back as a man next life, still linked to this one!
Maybe this experience would be fun for you to enjoy. Today, I’m lonely, confused and with a panty drawer.
There are women on the Internet who take delight in making files to cause impotency in those trying to understand themselves. I find that pretty interesting too.
I knew a girl at 26 who played mind games with me and my then best friend. She made a cocksucking reference to me once (previously had mentioned andrea to her) and tried to get me to please him. Glad I didn’t! It was all very immature and they are gone now, but it all hurt...
I am beginning to think that if I did please a guy I was attracted to, it would be better than treading water day by day.
Even pleasing pussy would be more fun than current. I am bored and feel I deserve better. I’m not keen on being bossed about by a woman in my home, not sure I even find the sex idea worth the sacrifice. In fact probably better as a woman sexually. At least with a man you don’t need a book to translate phrases to what they really mean.
I feel I should be more successful! I’m annoyed I am not. Cannot find it! The World seems crap job/future wise.
My current job is managed by women pretty much and as and when. Which is currently when. I need something else...
“Msg From ——— there is no shift available tom Friday 19th Jan, apologies. Kind Regards TM's”
Different story when short. This World makes me angry!